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Type 3: The Should Monster (who becomes the One Who Lives from the Heart)
You gravitate most to the limiting self talk character called the Should Monster. When healed, your new name is the One Who Lives From The Heart.
This character is called a “monster”because it is not necessarily attached to the pressure of a real human being. Rather, it is a nebulous voice made up of societal pressures, the “status quo” that is constantly nagging you, telling you what you “should” be doing. For some people, this looks like overlooking their own needs to meet the needs of their loved ones. For others, it means fear of missing out on the adventure that is life. While growing up, the question “how do I get love and stay safe” might have been answered with “by doing what I am obligated to do.”
The Should Monster also struggles with scarcity, the idea that there is never enough time or enough love to go around. He often struggles with never feeling content. This is the character that will exhaust you the most. If the Should Monster has been talking to you all day, you might go to bed at night feeling like you didn’t do enough with your limited time and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of it starting over again tomorrow.
Examples of limiting self talk the Should Monster narrates:
-It’s not responsible of me to take care of myself and rest.
-Any thoughts with the word “should” or “shouldn’t” in it.
-If I keep myself busy enough, I won’t have to feel any pain.
-I will never have enough to be content.
-There are not enough hours in the day.
-There is not enough love to go around.
-I only get love if I am helping.
Foundational Fear: Living a fruitless life.
Our greatest weakness can become our greatest strength when healed. When you overcome your narrative of “shoulds” and “shouldn’ts”, the gift you will bring to the world is the freedom to rest in the love that sustains you. Of all the self talk characters, in your redeemed state you will learn to live out the serenity prayer “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
The Path Toward Hope- We can become a compassionate observer of our inner landscape and notice when these thoughts arise. We can ask the Should Monster why he is showing up at certain times and bring healing to him.
To get over your addiction to LST (Limiting Self Talk), make your thoughts NEW.
Notice and Name when your actions and relationships are being attacked by “shoulds.”
Envision what you would feel like and how your life would change if you replaced those thoughts. What would it feel like to do things out of wonder and curiosity instead of obligation? How would your life change if you allowed yourself to rest?
Whirl that negative thought around 180°, generating a positive thought to replace the limiting thought.
180° thought: It’s okay to ask myself what I desire. It’s okay to rest.
Inner Healing Assignment- take a “day of rest” where you do not do anything that you don’t want to do. Take yourself out to eat, go to an art museum, or go on a hike and look closely at a leaf. Don’t look at your phone or check your email. Journal about your inner journey with God. Leave all your duties by the wayside. All you need to do today is be a human being, not a human doing. Can you carve out time to make this a regular occurrence in your life, even if it is only for an afternoon a week or a day a month? Taking a day of rest is one of the best ways to combat the Should Monster.
The Compassionate Friend
There is good news! All of us can strive to let the Compassionate Friend be the default self talk character in our minds. He will be like a father who can calm and comfort the other self talk characters. The Compassionate Friend is the deepest part of who we are. The part that is whole. The part knows that he is deeply loved and lives out that love in his actions and words.
How many times have you faced something that seemed impossible: something you battled with and cried over and prayed about until you clawed your way out of that wilderness, finding hope again? How many times have you faced insurmountable challenges that were matched with an insatiable hunger to find God in the midst of your pain? How many times did you feel dead inside, unable to take another step, but you took that step anyway?
The you that clung onto hope when your father died. The you that never thought your would survive when the one you loved walked out the door. The you that somehow found the sun after you lost your child. That is the deepest you. The Compassionate Friend. Those insurmountable challenges are what tenderly and carefully wore down the black soot that covered your heart. Every time you overcame one of those obstacles, the Compassionate Friend was strengthened in you. How could you not love such a strong soul?
The Compassionate Friend is who we want to access the most. This character dwells the closest to God, and they partner together to bring healing to your inmost parts. The more we allow the Compassionate Friend to calm and quiet the other characters, the more freedom we will have.
Examples of the limitless self talk the Compassionate Friend Narrates:
-I don’t need to control these circumstances or this person. I let go of control.
-You did the best you could with what you had at the time.
-Don’t beat yourself up. You are precious and valuable beyond measure.
-We are all going through the human experience as a family. I will see the rest of humanity as equals and comrades. I choose compassion over being better or being right.
-I choose forgiveness.
-I will forgive reality. Then I will accept reality. Then I will embrace reality.
-Instead of running to addiction, I choose to delve deep into my soul to understand what I am trying to numb myself from.
-It’s wonderful and beautiful to serve others. It is equally wonderful and beautiful to rest.
-When given a choice, I will always choose love.
The more we access the Compassionate Friend, the more we bring the gift of our true self to the world. There is no one that can bring that beautiful gift except you.
Many people have more than one self talk character that they gravitate towards, so I am sending you a free PDF of all the other self talk characters. Feel free to unsubscribe if you would like.
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