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Type 1: The Orphan (Who Becomes the Beloved)
You gravitate most to the limiting self talk character called the Orphan. Once healed, the your new name is the Beloved.
The Orphan feels a deep sense of abandonment and rejection. Sometimes that stems from a parent leaving or a divorce when she was young. Other times it was friends rejecting or ridiculing her in her school years. Or it may be patterns of romantic relationships, friendships, or relationships with leaders not working out in adulthood.
The Orphan’s limiting self talk is often centered around shame, a foundational belief she is not worthy of love. When people in her life try to love her, she often filters their actions with “rejection” glasses. She struggles with focusing on what is missing in her life instead of what is in front of her. She has often been an innocent victim in the past but will now choose that role if she doesn't think there is another way to get love.
Examples of Limiting Self Talk that the Orphan narrates:
-If they really knew me, they wouldn’t want me any more.
-At my core, I am not important or valuable.
-I am only loved when I love first.
-I’m so afraid they will leave me.
-No one understands my pain.
-I will set out to prove that I am not lovable. (Even if it is completely untrue.)
-Even if I am with someone, they will never understand me. I will always be alone.
Foundational Fears: Rejection and abandonment
Redeemed Gift: Our greatest weakness can become our greatest strength when healed. When you overcome your shame narrative, the gift you will bring to the world is unconditional love for yourself and others and a tenacity to love until the end.
The Path Toward Hope: We can become a compassionate observer of our inner landscape and notice when these thoughts arise. We can ask the Orphan why she is showing up at certain times and bring healing her.
To get over your addiction to LST (Limiting Self Talk), make your thoughts NEW.
Notice and Name when you have thoughts that are rooted in feeling rejected and unworthy of love.
Envision what you would feel like and how your life would change if you replaced that thought. How would it feel to believe that you deserve to be loved? How would your life change if you stopped setting out to prove that the people in your life don’t really love you?
Whirl that negative thought around 180° , generating a positive thought to replace the limiting thought.
180° Thought: You are loved in the deepest parts of who you are, even your weaknesses.
Inner healing assignment for the Orphan: Write a letter from God to the Orphan. Ask God to give you revelations about how he sees that part of you. What would he say to comfort her? What does he love about her?
The Compassionate Friend
There is good news! All of us can strive to let the Compassionate Friend be the default self talk character in our minds. She will be like a mother who can calm and comfort the other self talk characters. The Compassionate Friend is the deepest part of who we are. The part that is whole. The part knows that she is deeply loved and lives out that love in his or her actions and words.
How many times have you faced something that seemed impossible: something you battled with and cried over and prayed about until you clawed your way out of that wilderness until you found hope again? How many times have you faced insurmountable challenges that were matched with an insatiable hunger to find God in the midst of your pain? How many times did you feel dead inside, unable to take another step, but you took that step anyway?
The you that clung onto hope when your father died. The you that never thought your would survive when the one you loved walked out the door. The you that somehow found the sun after you lost your child. That is the deepest you. The Compassionate Friend. Those insurmountable challenges are what tenderly and carefully wore down the black soot that covered your heart. Every time you overcame one of those obstacles, the Compassionate Friend was strengthened in you. How could you not love such a beautiful soul?
The Compassionate Friend is who we want to access the most. This character dwells the closest to God, and they partner together to bring healing to your inmost parts. The more we allow the Compassionate Friend to calm and quiet the other characters, the more freedom we will have.
Examples of the limitless self talk the Compassionate Friend Narrates:
-I don’t need to control these circumstances or this person. I let go of control.
-You did the best you could with what you had at the time.
-Don’t beat yourself up. You are precious and valuable beyond measure.
-We are all going through the human experience as a family. I will see the rest of humanity as equals and comrades. I choose compassion over being better or being right.
-I choose forgiveness.
-I will forgive reality. Then I will accept reality. Then I will embrace reality.
-Instead of running to addiction, I choose to delve deep into my soul to understand what I am trying to numb myself from.
-It’s wonderful and beautiful to serve others. It is equally wonderful and beautiful to rest.
-When given a choice, I will always choose love.
The more we access the Compassionate Friend, the more we bring the gift of our true self to the world. There is no one that can bring that beautiful gift except you.
Many people have more than one self talk character that they gravitate towards, so I am sending you a free PDF of all the other self talk characters. Feel free to unsubscribe if you would like.
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