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Type 6: The Comparison Queen (who becomes the True Friend)
You gravitate most to the limiting self talk character called the Comparison Queen. When healed, your new name is the True Friend.
The Comparison Queen is called a Queen because she is always living in hierarchies. She ranks people by gender, race, wealth, beauty, intelligence, and a plethora of other categories. She superhumanizes some people by thinking they are more perfect than she is, and dehumanizes other people by thinking they are not as good as she is. She lives on a ladder. No one can stand on the same wrung as her, so she often feels very alone. She compares her insides to other people’s outsides, a habit that is neither helpful nor accurate.
Examples of Negative Self Talk the Comparison Queen Narrates:
-She is so much prettier than I am.
-I am so jealous of their life. Why can’t I be them?
-Why is he mourning over his dog dying? I have been through so much worse.
-I am such a better mom.
-No one understands me.
-I wish I could be happy for him, but instead I am sad for me.
-I have to compete in order to feel valuable.
-I have to keep my social media presence looking great so people will look up to me and accept me.
Foundational Fear: That other people are better than her.
Our greatest weakness can become our greatest strength when it is healed. When you overcome your comparing narrative, the gift you will bring to the world is seeing the shared humanity of all people, that we are all on the same level so we are never alone.
The Path Toward Hope-We can become a compassionate observer of our inner landscape and notice when these thoughts arise. We can ask the Comparison Queen why she is showing up at certain times and bring healing to her.
To get over your addiction to LST (Limiting Self Talk), make your thoughts NEW.
Notice and Name when you have a competitive or comparing thought.
Envision what you would feel like and how your life would change if you replaced that thought. What would it feel like to stop comparing yourself to others? How would your life change if you put others and their experiences on the same level as your own?
Whirl that negative thought around 180°, generating a positive thought to replace the limiting thought.
180° Thought: I am not alone in this. This is a human experience. I don’t need to compete in order to have value. I intrinsically have value without any competition.
Inner Healing Assignment: Make a list of all the people you dehumanize and all the people you superhumanize. What root story has caused you to do this? Take note when you compete or compare during your day. What can you do instead of comparing that expresses shared humanity?
The Compassionate Friend
There is good news! All of us can strive to let the Compassionate Friend be the default self talk character in our minds. She will be like a mother who can calm and comfort the other self talk characters. The Compassionate Friend is the deepest part of who we are. The part that is whole. The part knows that she is deeply loved and lives out that love in his or her actions and words.
How many times have you faced something that seemed impossible: something you battled with and cried over and prayed about until you clawed your way out of that wilderness until you found hope again? How many times have you faced insurmountable challenges that were matched with an insatiable hunger to find God in the midst of your pain? How many times did you feel dead inside, unable to take another step, but you took that step anyway?
The you that clung onto hope when your father died. The you that never thought your would survive when the one you loved walked out the door. The you that somehow found the sun after you lost your child. That is the deepest you. The Compassionate Friend. Those insurmountable challenges are what tenderly and carefully wore down the black soot that covered your heart. Every time you overcame one of those obstacles, the Compassionate Friend was strengthened in you. How could you not love such a beautiful soul?
The Compassionate Friend is who we want to access the most. This character dwells the closest to God, and they partner together to bring healing to your inmost parts. The more we allow the Compassionate Friend to calm and quiet the other characters, the more freedom we will have.
Examples of the limitless self talk the Compassionate Friend Narrates:
-I don’t need to control these circumstances or this person. I let go of control.
-You did the best you could with what you had at the time.
-Don’t beat yourself up. You are precious and valuable beyond measure.
-We are all going through the human experience as a family. I will see the rest of humanity as equals and comrades. I choose compassion over being better or being right.
-I choose forgiveness.
-I will forgive reality. Then I will accept reality. Then I will embrace reality.
-Instead of running to addiction, I choose to delve deep into my soul to understand what I am trying to numb myself from.
-It’s wonderful and beautiful to serve others. It is equally wonderful and beautiful to rest.
-When given a choice, I will always choose love.
The more we access the Compassionate Friend, the more we bring the gift of our true self to the world. There is no one that can bring that beautiful gift except you.
Many people have more than one self talk character that they gravitate towards, so I am sending you a free PDF of all the other self talk characters. Feel free to unsubscribe if you would like.
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