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Type #2: The Inner Critic (Who Becomes the Forgiver)
You gravitate most to the limiting self talk character called the Inner Critic. When healed your new name is the Forgiver.
This is the harshest of the self talk characters. In fact, it could be seen as a bully. Of all the other characters, the Inner Critic is the one that most strives for perfection. When growing up, the Inner Critic often answered the question “how do I get love” with “by being as close to perfect as possible” or “by being responsible.”
The Inner Critic often had critical outside voices like parents, teachers, or peers, that morphed into critical inside voices. Although the Inner Critic cares what other people think, a lot of her anguish comes from an inward place rather than an outward place. She says harsh things to herself that she would never dream of saying to a friend. She is also hard on herself when it comes to choices she made in the past, believing that those choices may have ruined her life. She thinks that the severity of her self talk is okay because without it she would never improve.
Examples of limiting self talk the Inner Critic narrates:
-I am not a good spouse/ parent/ friend.
-I am not very attractive. Lose some weight!
-I can’t believe I made that choice. I ruined my life.
-I am such a loser.
-I must avoid mistakes at all costs.
-I never get things right.
Foundational Fear: Not living up to your own standards, society’s standards, or the standards of the people you love.
Redeemed Gift: Our greatest weakness can become our greatest strength when healed. When you overcome your critical narrative, the gift you will bring to the world is deep, non-judgmental kindness towards yourself and others, and peace in the choices you make.
The Path Toward Hope: We can become a compassionate observer of our inner landscape and notice when these thoughts arise. We can ask the Inner Critic why she is showing up at certain times and bring healing to her.
To get over your addiction to LST (Limiting Self Talk), make your thoughts NEW.
Notice and Name when you are talking to yourself in unkind ways. Would you say out loud to a friend what you are saying to yourself? If not, why are you talking to yourself this way?
Envision what you would feel like and how your life would change if you replaced that thought. What would it feel like to be kind towards yourself instead of harsh? How would your life change if you could turn your self- loathing into self- loving?
Whirl that negative thought around 180°, generating a positive thought to replace the limiting thought.
180° thought: You are loved not because you are perfect, but because you are human.
Inner Healing Assignment:
-Be conscious every time that you think something harsh about yourself and write it down. What does God say about you that will turn that harsh thought around?
-If you struggle with regret, write a letter to the past part of you that made that choice. Delve deep into yourself and forgive that past part of you. In most cases, she did the best that she could with what she had at the time. You have the upper hand because you can see what happened as a result of that choice, but she didn’t have the power to see that at the time. Give past you the compassion that will heal her.
The Compassionate Friend
There is good news! All of us can strive to let the Compassionate Friend be the default self talk character in our minds. She will be like a mother who can calm and comfort the other self talk characters. The Compassionate Friend is the deepest part of who we are. The part that is whole. The part knows that she is deeply loved and lives out that love in his or her actions and words.
How many times have you faced something that seemed impossible: something you battled with and cried over and prayed about until you clawed your way out of that wilderness until you found hope again? How many times have you faced insurmountable challenges that were matched with an insatiable hunger to find God in the midst of your pain? How many times did you feel dead inside, unable to take another step, but you took that step anyway?
The you that clung onto hope when your father died. The you that never thought your would survive when the one you loved walked out the door. The you that somehow found the sun after you lost your child. That is the deepest you. The Compassionate Friend. Those insurmountable challenges are what tenderly and carefully wore down the black soot that covered your heart. Every time you overcame one of those obstacles, the Compassionate Friend was strengthened in you. How could you not love such a beautiful soul?
The Compassionate Friend is who we want to access the most. This character dwells the closest to God, and they partner together to bring healing to your inmost parts. The more we allow the Compassionate Friend to calm and quiet the other characters, the more freedom we will have.
Examples of the limitless self talk the Compassionate Friend Narrates:
-I don’t need to control these circumstances or this person. I let go of control.
-You did the best you could with what you had at the time.
-Don’t beat yourself up. You are precious and valuable beyond measure.
-We are all going through the human experience as a family. I will see the rest of humanity as equals and comrades. I choose compassion over being better or being right.
-I choose forgiveness.
-I will forgive reality. Then I will accept reality. Then I will embrace reality.
-Instead of running to addiction, I choose to delve deep into my soul to understand what I am trying to numb myself from.
-It’s wonderful and beautiful to serve others. It is equally wonderful and beautiful to rest.
-When given a choice, I will always choose love.
The more we access the Compassionate Friend, the more we bring the gift of our true self to the world. There is no one that can bring that beautiful gift except you.
Many people have more than one self talk character that they gravitate towards, so I am sending you a free PDF of all the other self talk characters. Feel free to unsubscribe if you would like.
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